Waterlogged Poseidon Sinks

     If Warner Bros. Pictures paid someone to pen the screenplay of Poseidon, it was a tremendous waste of money. Not only could they have looked at the 1972 flick (The Poseidon Adventure) this is based on and gotten the job done but the new script is a complete disaster. There is a deficiency of dialogue in this movie which basically consists of people running, climbing, swimming and dying. The characters hardly say anything to each other. Yet when they do, it comes out like this:

Father: "You’re not too old for a piggy-back ride, are you?"
Daughter: (Smiling.) "Not today."

     There are a plethora of lines that make us shake our heads in disbelief that someone would actually write them without realizing they are clichés. This is the biggest drawback to the motion picture since it makes it absolutely impossible to mesh with the action on the screen. Poseidon is one of those movies that never stops feeling like a movie. The audience can never truly feel at one with the characters because they say and do things that only two-dimensional movie characters would say and do.

     Poseidon features a talented cast that includes Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Emmy Rossum and Richard Dreyfus. The action picks up just before midnight on New Year’s Eve as folks are partying aboard the Poseidon, a gigantic cruise ship. Suddenly, the ship is struck by a rogue wave and the passengers are tossed about until the ship capsizes.

     The survivors are ordered to stay put but a few of them form together to try and find a way out. They make their way to the bottom of the ship (which, since everything is upside down, now means they are going up) and risk what little hope they have to find the nearest exit. Along the way they are faced with dangers in the form of flash fire, rising water and spinning propellers.

     The action picks up almost immediately after the movie starts, which is exciting yet renders the characters insignificant. These usually skillful actors are stuck with generally stereotypical roles. Fortunately we do know most of the actors and, due to their celebrity statuses, our eyes are glued to the screen. Even Jimmy Bennett, who has become the eagerly brave youngster in films like Hostage, Cellular and now this, has a tendency to peak one’s curiosity despite trite dialogue and excessive action.

     As for said action, the most spectacular (and most expensive) action sequence is the capsizing of the ship. While this scene is nothing short of electrifying, it is over rather quickly. The remaining action sequences are entertaining but pale in comparison to the ship going belly-up. After all, we boarded Poseidon to get thrown upside down and watch expensive dishes and chandeliers shatter as people fly through the air screaming at the tops of their lungs. The one sequence that does work, set within the confines of flooding air vent, is completely opposite of the other explosive events proving that, sometimes, suspense is greater than action.

     Poseidon is a fun summer blockbuster with visual effects that deserve to be seen on the big screen but the storyline and characters are supremely lacking. Come to think of it, Poseidon cost approximately $140 million to produce. Perhaps Warner Bros. Pictures can afford to shred that much money but they shouldn’t expect moviegoers to enjoy spending even seven bucks plus for such a waterlogged flick.