Keeping Up With The Steins Keeps It Bland

     Keeping Up With The Steins can be categorized as an independent feature film. In most cases, such flicks open to limited theatrical releases and can only be found at one or two venues per big-market city. Down In The Valley and Hard Candy are two recent art-house flicks that are worth every effort made to seek out and see them. They are special enough that, even on the longest drive back home, the moviegoer feels confident that they made the right decision to gamble their time. That feeling cannot be applied to Keeping Up With The Steins, which is about as special as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

     Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. They’re there when you need them and they’ll get you through your hunger phase. However, like Keeping Up With The Steins, they are kind of ordinary. Keeping Up With The Steins is not a movie you can hate, by any means. It never offends you, it will keep you from feeling blue and it never becomes too complicated to follow. Yet, that is what is wrong with it – the movie never makes use of its art-house genre. It is completely flavorless!

     In fact, Keeping Up With The Steins feels like an insipid rip-off of Malcolm In The Middle or Everybody Hates Chris destined to debut on public television. It has a sitcom-like style to it complete with lazy fade out / fade in scene breaks just perfect for the insertion of commercials. Even the various tribulations the main character goes through (nearly getting caught drinking alcohol with his pals, being afraid to talk to his narcissistic female classmate, etc.) are commonly repeated situations on television programs. If this is all the flick has to offer, why not just stay home and channel surf?

     Keeping Up With The Steins stars Daryl Sabara of the Spy Kids trilogy as Benjamin Fiedler, a Jewish teenager on the edge of adulthood. Benjamin is about to celebrate his bar mitzvah but he doesn’t have a clue what any of it means. He is having a terrible time memorizing his speech and he doesn’t even know what he wants the theme of his party to be. To add to his troubles, his father Adam, played by Jeremy Piven, is constantly trying to outperform their friends the Steins. Arnie Stein, played by Larry Miller, just threw his son Zachary a Titanic themed bar mitzvah and so Arnie feels pressure to do something extravagant for Benjamin’s bar mitzvah.

     All of this gets to be too much for Benjamin to handle so he sends his distant grandfather Irwin, played by Garry Marshall, an invitation to his Bar Mitzvah two weeks early as a distraction. When Irwin shows up at the Fiedler’s door with his girlfriend Sandy, played by Darl Hannah, Arnie recalls the anguish of watching his father abandon he and his mother Rose, played by Doris Roberts. Despite Rose’s forgiveness of Irwin, Arnie still holds a grudge and the two of them don’t get along at all. Meanwhile, Benjamin develops a bond with Irwin. As Benjamin’s bar mitzvah draws nearer, his father and grandfather act like children and he himself isn’t any closer to adulthood.

     The cultural theme evokes memories of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, another independent flick with sitcom qualities. The difference between the two is that My Big Fat Greek Wedding was unique while everything about Keeping Up With The Steins screams bland. Still, it is impossible to hate the movie because it is so darn likeable. It delivers entertainment, just not the same level of excellence we’ve come to expect from other limited releases.

     The question remains: Why go out of your way for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you can have Basilicata pasta salad? The only way that you won’t be wasting your time seeing Keeping Up With The Steins at your local art-house venue is if you have already seen Down In The Valley, Hard Candy and the many other independent feature films that dare to travel outside the box.